Can a Simple Shift in Mindset Change Your Relationships?
A Simple Way To Show Love | Priming For Better Relationships and Self-Improvement
Editorial
by
Have you ever wondered if a small change in how you think could lead to better connections with others? Perhaps even a happier you?
We’re excited to share insights on this topic, and we hope to start some constructive discussions in our DEP community.
The idea is simple: “priming” your mind with positive intentions can set the stage for better interactions and personal growth. Tiny changes in attitude and daily habits can help us build stronger relationships. It also has the power to boost our own well-being.
It’s important to recognize everyone has their unique strengths. We were inspired by Howard Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences. When we value different talents, we all have more room to shine.
Whether you want to be a better friend, parent, or simply feel more confident, we share some ideas to make it easy to get started.
Let’s continue to support each other and create a more positive, connected community, one small step at a time.
With love from The Editors, Dancing Elephants Press
A Simple Way To Show Love
By:
Our dear and kind
has sustained an injury and is taking a break until full recovery. We are including her piece about love in this magazine to highlight what connects us best, always — love and kindness.
Love
What more do we need?
Love brings a special connection between people.
We love each other with family, friends, and our partners. We can generally love humanity, plants, animals, our planet, and the universe. Many times, we do whatever needs to be done to hang onto that love for a person. Everyone wants to be loved. It is the most basic human need, together with food and shelter.
Love is enough, right? If we have love, nothing else is needed. I have heard this phrase many times.
In a recent discussion with a friend, she told me this was all she wanted. I have heard many people telling me the same thing, and I felt the same way as well. After all, what else do we need? Love. After horrible events in my friend's life, all she asked for in the next relationship was love.
Now, many years later, she wishes she had asked for more. She did receive love, yet a few other things became as important as love further down the road. In the beginning, in the “honeymoon” phase, we tend not to see things that are not perfect about our partners. They seem small and insignificant compared to the love we feel. The hormones of love blind us to some of the truth that comes out later in the relationship.
To begin with, none of us is perfect. We all have our ways of doing things that could be difficult for a partner to deal with.
Cleanliness, for example. Keeping a clean household is important to my friend, yet not as important to her partner. This creates a lot of difficulties and fights in the relationship. Even though they love each other, basic hygiene, a clean house, and a clean kitchen are a basic need for one of them, while not for the other. This becomes a daily problem, and the discomfort and the bickering begin.
This couple loves each other very much, yet besides love, there are a lot of fights about other things in the household that create a strain in the relationship.
I had a friend one time who told me that his wife’s biggest issue was how toilet paper was put on the pole that is holding it. This seems to be a small thing to one person and a huge issue for someone else. There were probably other issues in this marriage as well, and the toilet paper was the last straw.
Love did not save that couple, and while she got remarried, he never did. It is sad to see when people separate over small things. Many times, multiple small things add up, and a person can not take it anymore. Communication, compromise, and a continued open channel to each other are necessary in these cases to resolve issues. This can be difficult for many people, including myself, as I do not like any conflict situation.
There is love and there is love
I believe ultimate love is when both partners can accommodate each other and negotiate what they can adjust to in their lives. It is not easy to live with another person. Even if we love them. This goes for family members and friends as well, not just intimate partners. There are many different situations when people love each other and live together. Living together can be a desire to be close or it can be a necessity.
More on Love
Financial difficulties can also strain a relationship when one person carries most of the load of taking care of things that need to be paid for while the other person is not contributing. After a while, this situation can get old. Resentment can build up in the relationship. It is hard to carry the burden of being the sole giver of financial means in a relationship. I have been there and done that many times in my life. It is a difficult situation.
I know many people in my life dealing with this situation when they are the sole provider. This does not mean that the other person does not contribute to the household. While they are not contributing financially, they might be contributing in other ways, like household chores, watching the children, cleaning, and cooking.
How to Love
Loving someone can be more difficult than it seems at first glance. In cases, we can love someone and do not like the way they are doing things. There is not one way to love in this universe. Love is a very complex feeling with many emotions, needs, and wants attached to it.
I knew a few couples who divorced, and later they got back together. Sometimes it was 1–2 years later, sometimes it was a decade later. We continuously change how we act and react to things. With time, I learned things that I did not know growing up and as a young mother of two. Things were assumed, of course, and part of this is a cultural belief.
An example would be that it is always the woman who takes care of the household, the children, and also needs to look pretty and ready for her husband’s needs at any time. This might be fine when the woman does not need to work in the household. Yet, when I had two work 2 jobs, going to school, raising kids at the same time,e I did not always look pretty, had enough time to cook or clean the bathroom. Things like this change the balance of things and start to create a strain in a relationship that was loving originally.
What can one do to show love? Is love truly enough?
I am not an expert in love. I have made and still make mistakes when it comes to love. To the best of my ability, what I can do is observe, pay attention, and be there for the people I love and care about.
Adjustment is a necessity when it comes to love. It can not be just “my way”. Love also changes over time, sometimes we feel closer to a person we love, while other times we feel more apart. This does not mean we do not love that partner, family, or friend. It just means our emotions as humans change over time. We need our own space and time to spend with ourselves as well. When we know our own needs and wants and take care of ourselves, we can be more open to love and take care of other people in our lives as well.
I learned that a simple way to love is being there, showing up in the relationship with a full heart and an open mind to change.
Thank you for reading.
Gabriella
Priming For Better Relationships and Self-Improvement
By:
Gardner’s multiple intelligences
Howard Gardner introduced the theory of multiple intelligences in 1983 in a bid to better identify and define individuals’ abilities, as he believed traditional IQ tests failed to correctly evaluate the comprehensive range of human intelligence. His theory is an important concept and deserves more attention especially among educators and parents. It is especially useful for parents because it can help them pinpoint their children’s strengths and weaknesses and take steps to help them play to their competencies and foster confidence. In the current education system, those who do well in Verbal-Linguistic and Logical-Mathematical skills usually are best performers in their primary and secondary education. However, excelling in these skills does not guarantee a successful life. Assessing students on their abilities based on these two domains may discourage those who are not good at these during the early stages of their learning.
The Multiple Intelligences concept comprises of Visual-Spatial, Musical, Verbal-Linguistic, Kinesthetic, Logical-Mathematical, Interpersonal, Intrapersonal and Naturalistic aspects. Therefore, it is worth for educators and parents to explore young people’s various abilities. Individuals have different intelligence levels across different domains. Being inherently good in one domain is an advantage at the starting point but ultimate success comes through persistence, effort and drive to learn and grow. When seeking a life path, individuals should identify their strengths so they can achieve optimal performance, which will help boost their confidence and create a sense of accomplishment. Success and recognition will encourage them to embrace their weaker areas and work hard to improve.
Success is a product of an interplay of various factors. In this dynamics, interpersonal and intrapersonal characteristics play a crucial role. Interpersonal intelligence governs interactions with others, which is critical in building better relationships both in professional and personal realms. While intrapersonal intelligence regulates internal abilities, those with strong intrapersonal intelligence are more self-regulated and driven to achieve their goals and overcome challenges.
Hallmarks of Interpersonal Intelligence
Communication: Effective communication needs more than just strong linguistic skills. Individuals with strong interpersonal intelligence can communicate effectively as they are able to: 1) articulate their ideas clearly, 2) listen attentively, and 3) comprehend the content of the conversation. They can adapt to different communication styles of different people. They are able to accommodate those who may not have the same level of information with patience and encouragement that facilitates understanding.
Empathy: It is described as “putting your feet into others’ shoes”, which is an ability to understand others’ situations and perceive their feelings and emotions without judgment. Understanding others and their situations is crucial in building trustful relationships at work and in personal lives. Individuals must put their personal views aside while focusing on understanding others’ perspectives and consciously allow others to express themselves freely and in detail. They can ask relevant questions to help deepen their understanding. This action exhibits the listener’s empathy while letting the speaker feel valued. This is when a true connection emerges.
Sensitivity: Highly sensitive individuals can easily understand verbal and non-verbal messages. They can read the person from the way they express themselves via a combination of inner sensitivity and strong observation. Therapists and coaches, after conscious effort and focus on listening and observation, become better attuned and responsive to others’ communication signals. Individuals can also train their sensitivity through the same process with continuous effort.
Social awareness: Effective social interactions rely on strong understanding of the dynamics of social behaviour and norms and accurate interpretation of social cues. People without social awareness, who always upset others, find themselves unpopular. A transformation can only be executed when an individual is aware of their issues and is dedicated to change. They need to collect honest feedback to help them reflect.
Conflict resolution: Those who are not afraid tackling conflicts can put effort into resolving them, can understand the requirements and constraints of different parties try to find common ground, and decide on compromises to facilitate mutually beneficial solutions, resulting in a win-win situation. When encountering a contentious situation, it is worth mustering courage to discuss it and propose solutions. Approaching with genuine care and consideration is crucial.
Building relationships: Interpersonal intelligence is essential in building and maintaining positive long-term relationships. This includes building rapport, cultivating trust, and collaborating effectively with peers, colleagues, and partners. This skill facilitates effective teamwork and collaboration. Those who can work in a team and coordinate with their teammates to achieve common goals can effectively synergise with others’ strengths to achieve success. Most employers aim to hire team players instead of geniuses because harmony and a pleasant atmosphere at work are critical, while individualism can impede collaboration. A giver who is willing to contribute is more welcome than a taker who only care for their own benefit.
Persuasion and influence: Individuals with strong interpersonal intelligence are persuasive communicators who can influence others’ opinions, attitudes, and behaviours. They can provide convincing arguments to instil their values in others and motivate them to achieve their desired outcomes. Even individuals who already possess these skills can still enhance them by improving communication and raising their awareness of others’ needs and concerns. Enriching knowledge, adding perspectives and exploring supportive arguments can boost persuasion skills and influence.
Developing interpersonal intelligence is essential in intimate relationships, family relationships, close friendships, workplace and other social contexts. Building and maintaining trustful relationships is advantageous in professional development and personal lives.
Scopes for intrapersonal intelligence
Intrapersonal intelligence is usually overlooked. We can enhance our intrapersonal skills by raising self-awareness and deepening our understanding of ourselves. Journaling can help to address our feelings and emotions as well as connecting us to our deeper self. Improving intrapersonal intelligence requires heightened self-awareness in order to reflect and change.
Self-confidence: Confident doesn’t mean arrogant; confident people know what they know and what they don’t know. Enriching knowledge and gaining new skills and advancing in the chosen direction can enhance confidence. A critical four-step process to help gain confidence involves: 1) self-affirmation, 2) facing mistakes, 3) avoiding comparison, and 4) focusing on improvement.
Self-discipline: Exercising self-discipline can translate into enhancing self-control, managing emotions, avoiding distractions, and effective time management. Someone who has strong self-discipline has better ability to maintain healthy habits and is more rational in making decisions. They can also exercise self-control to manage money, delaying gratification and avoiding impulsive spending. Individuals can improve by making plans, committing to actions and rewarding themselves for achieving their goals.
Self-reflection and self-awareness: Raising self-awareness is a precursor to change and transformation. Individuals with strong self-awareness have better ability to self-reflect, which leads to growth and improvement. Welcoming constructive criticism and feedback is helpful as it enhances perspectives.
Resilience: When resilient individuals encounter adversity, they will bend down but not break and will gradually recover from the challenges or setbacks. The way to build resilience is to maintain optimism, focus on exploring solutions, revise tactics, take action, and never give up until a way out is apparent. Resilience involves strong adaptability, mental flexibility and problem-solving skills to tackle and overcome obstacles and recover from life difficulties. Reading and learning can help individuals to develop resilience. Individuals who struggle to handle adversity can seek external support to help them overcome obstacles.
Persistence: To accomplish a task requires persistence and self-discipline. Someone persistent is determined to achieve their goals or tackle a challenging situation. If one is feeling exhausted, it is better to take a break and shift focus to something else, which allows their energy to resume. Remember that we are human, not machines, having a pause is a sensible and healthy choice.
Openness to new ideas: A willingness to alter the chosen course and explore new ideas is essential to effectively tackling challenges. Adaptability and flexibility are also important in relationship building — it is crucial to be non-judgemental and open-minded to welcome and absorb others’ ideas and perspectives. Cultivating a growth mindset is critical in the process of broadening your thinking, enriching your knowledge, adding perspectives and expanding your horizons.
People with weak intrapersonal skills, find difficulties in connecting to their inner selves; and they probably find it hard to adopt a reflective mechanism for self-correcting and improving. Enhancing intrapersonal skills is pivotal to reaching goals and to personal advancement, and will help in developing proper relationships, especially close relationships.
Change needs courage, willpower and action
Through this article, you are likely gaining a deeper understanding of both interpersonal and intrapersonal skills — two essential areas for improving relationships with others and yourself. Interpersonal skills strengthen external connections, while intrapersonal growth is essential for persistent, self-improvement and developing and sustaining positive long-term relationships.
If tackling change seems too challenging, seeking external support, such as relationship or life coaching, is a sensible option. A coach acts as a mirror, helping an individual to see themselves more clearly, providing honest feedback, raising their self-awareness, and empowering them to make meaningful and imperative changes.
Affirmation: “I am open to giving and receiving love.”
Quote: "To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow — this is a human offering that can border on miraculous." — Elizabeth GilbertP.S.
P.S.
If you have been looking for an inexpensive yet thoughtful gift for someone you share knowledge with, consider gifting a subscription to Dancing Elephants Press on Substack. This weekly magazine will improve the quality of their life.
Thank you for reading,
Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi, Founder
 | A guest post by
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A wonderful essay. Thanks