Building Community Together
Dancing Elephants Press Magazine Volume 1 Issue 3 June 15, 2024
Table of Contents
Welcome to our third edition! by DR Rawson
What group gets recognized tomorrow? Father’s Day, or is it something else for you? by DR Rawson
How We Can Build Community Together by Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi
A Village for Kids by Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi
Why People Snap Over Small Things by Libby Shively McAvoy
Dont Invite Me Into a Comunity by Phyllis Haynes
Butterfly Cycles by LC Lynch
Giving Back… Adventures in Being a “Big Brother” by Gary Friedman
Welcome to our third edition!
Editorial by DR Rawson
WELCOME to another edition of Dancing Elephants Press on Substack. Let's start off by giving thanks to fathers, grandfathers, and great-grandfathers.
While it's important to acknowledge and appreciate fathers on their special day, it's equally crucial to address those who, for various reasons, can’t, don’t, or won’t celebrate it. Let's take a moment to empathize with them and understand how challenging it must be to see others light-hearted and joyous and not have a father to celebrate.
In fact, according to the US Census, one in four children in America live without a father in the home. In case you missed it, twenty-five percent of families are without a father in the home.
The feeling of being left out may even be as bad as that of a single or homeless person on a day like Christmas. What do they have to celebrate?
What group gets recognized tomorrow? Father’s Day, or is it something else for you?
Personal Story by DR Rawson
I have a daughter who has never been married but has two amazing children from a circumstance that was only partially of her own making. No, in this case, the father failed to step up. The few times he said he would do something, he failed, lied, or did absolutely nothing. Throughout their youth, he continued to fail with the exception of one circumstance. He has never come close to accepting responsibility. In short, he never showed up.
What he gave begrudgingly to the oldest daughter, he didn’t even try with the younger. Today, he hides out in another country.
A Better Idea
While so many people celebrate Dad, my granddaughters came up with Sister’s Day. It could have been Sibling's Day if a boy had been in the mix. In either case, it’s a way to celebrate the fact that they’re alive and enjoying life.
Over the years, they have gone on trips to the ocean (California), eaten fancy dinners, and had all-day movie marathons, to name just a few activities. Of course, they let their mom in to enjoy the day. They revere her for her single-handed hard work and dedication.
As parents, we have duties and responsibilities for our children. Some of these include independence and self-worth. There’s no better activity to celebrate self-worth than celebrating yourself.
We are all unique and have a voice that deserves to be heard. Teaching self-worth increases the chance of children being determined, self-reliant, and independent. Something often forgotten is that our children will never be able to give what they don’t have.
If our children don’t love themselves for who they are, then how can we expect them to find loving and nurturing relationships as adults? I think you know the answer to that one.
Commentary: This was a hard post to write. When I think of kids without dads, it bothers me. My parents died two years apart when I was eighteen and then twenty. It was still very difficult. DEP Substack will address these tough topics. Sometimes, we must “face things head-on to get change to happen.” Please stay with us.
How We Can Build Community Together:
Community at Heart
By Dr.Gabriella Kőrösi
Recently, I was walking with friends in Portland, Oregon, and was inspired by a unique community. When we talk about community and the sense of community, the emotions can differ for each person. I want to take you on a journey to explore the possibilities of what a community could look like. I believe building and supporting communities is essential for humanity to thrive. As individuals, we are a community ourselves. Each human body has millions of different cells and molecules, bacteria and viruses that work together in harmony allowing us to wake up each morning and go about our daily lives.
There are many different types of communities. I love the community of writers that we built in Dancing Elephants Press Publications. Our writing community is a great example of people with a common interest coming together and supporting each other. We all enjoy writing, talking about writing, sharing our stories, and reading each other’s stories to get to know one another.
A Village For Kids
An example would be a community created by Tiny Tales Press at the fictional Paddington Village for children to teach wisdom one drabble story at a time. You can learn more about this great community in the video below.
Another beautiful example of a community is a beautiful place that inspired me to write this story: Green Anchors, PDX (1). It was an accidental find wandering around Cathedral Park in Portland, Oregon, and seeing a beautiful garden over the fence. Curiosity sparked in our minds and we wanted to know what this beautiful garden is about. We walked around the fence and found ourselves in front of an open gate. We stood there for a few minutes observing until someone said we can come in. What we found was an amazing collaborative community of people working together to create gardens, move boats, clean up the soil, create a bee habitat, and more. We saw artists working on large metal globes, a beautiful big garden and greenhouse, industrial buildings, and tiny homes being built. The community was created for the public and was working very well for everyone’s benefit. I love their mission and vision statement
“ We prioritize inclusive community engagement ensuring equitable access to opportunities, education, and resources for all members of society. Our commitment extends to embracing marginalized lands, species, and people for collective thriving.”
I strongly believe that community collaboration is the way to thrive in our community. Supporting and caring for each other is the best way to live.
Why People Snap Over Small Things
By Libby Shively McAvoy
Have you ever been with someone, and they blew up or melted down over the slightest thing?
I will never forget in my first pregnancy I was overly hungry after walking around Boston for the first time. I sat down to look at the menu, and when I put it down, my husband was bewildered by the tears streaming down my cheeks. Nothing sounded good to me, and I was completely out of sorts. Another example is when my husband missed trash day, and I would lose my mind. I was so upset. You can probably think of a time when you witnessed someone crying or yelling over something seemingly small.
What Causes People to Snap Over Little Things
There are many theories on this. My thought is that it isn’t one little thing but the accumulation of all the things that build up in us emotionally over time.
You might have felt invisible, unappreciated, disrespected, or discarded for weeks or months. You are hurt, and the pain has been festering. Suddenly, boom!
My husband forgetting to take the trash to the curb is not that big of a deal in itself. But it was huge to me at that moment because it was more than the trash. At that moment, his forgetfulness symbolized how much or how little he cared for our family’s needs. It was the breaking point for the rejection I had been feeling.
We Are More Likely To Snap Or Have Outbursts When:
We have unmanaged stress
Lack of sleep
Relationships that are out of balance
Financial strain
We are overly hungry
For the Person Experiencing Frequent Outbursts
Gain emotional awareness and raise your emotional intelligence so that you can process and express emotions logically and effectively. It may be beneficial to get a coach who specializes in emotional intelligence to help you through this process.
Communicate your needs to loved ones.
Journal your thoughts and feelings.
Practice good self-care. Get outside periodically, practice good sleep habits, eat well, and exercise.
Final Thoughts
It is not the size of the event at which we snap; it is the meaning we associate with it every time. When you feel like you might blow up or melt down, dig deep and think about what has been building inside you.
Don’t Invite Me Into a Community
by Phyllis Haynes
If you just want to feel my data
There is a big difference between building a community and growing an audience/email list.
Community definition:
“a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage. a locality inhabited by such a group. “Dictionary.com
“A community is a social unit with a shared socially significant characteristic, such as place, set of norms, culture, religion, values, customs, or identity. Communities may share a sense of place situated in a given geographical area or in virtual space through communication platforms.” Wikipedia
Time and time again, I am invited to Facebook, Linked In, X groups of vendors, authors, and even product launches. They offer a tantalizing description of the alleged community of movers and shakers. They suggest you will be part of something big. It’s very similar to the promises offered by Scientologists, Jehovah's Witnesses, and other zealots who used to greet me on the street or knock on my door. This time the invites and offers come from various communities online.
Rarely do I experience “community.” Mostly they want my email to sell me stuff. They want me as a number. They don’t want me as a person giving value.
There are some good communities.
Here are the hallmarks of the community by my definition:
True communities offer a genuine practice of inclusion. Each person matters.
Communication flows vertically and horizontally in the community. It is not always from the top down. Members are encouraged to interact with each other even if members are in a huge global group.
Members of the community are treasured and nourished even if they don’t fall in line.
Communication is shared among all facets of the community. One of the most annoying things to occur when one joins a group is to discover that there is an “in-group” that excludes everyone else.
Events, activities, and regular outreach are a feature of a good community.
How to build a community from scratch:
Size does not matter. A shared language of the heart is most important.
“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.” Nelson Mandela
Tee shirts with slogans, a secret handshake, or a unique call to order online may begin to create that feeling of identity and belonging.
Don’t do what cults do. They are strong communities because of shared rules, shared consequences, and charismatic and towering leadership. They manipulate members into belonging.
And don’t get hooked on the mission statement as the best way to create community.
Entrepreneur and now Canva Evangelist Guy Kawasaki describes a common mistake found in corporations:
“It’s not the mission statement”. I spent a lot of time in the corporate sector as a consultant and often companies spent a fortune on developing a mission statement and shoving that statement to the employees rather than engaging in real team building and having that mission statement tweaked and supported by employees giving them a shared commitment at every level of employment.”
A sure way to destroy a feeling of community like getting passengers to feel like a community of enthusiastic consumers is to create and advertise a mission statement that doesn’t match the reality of the consumer experience.
Airline employees rarely seem as friendly and warm as the actors in the commercials or the safety instruction videos. They all look like warm engaging communities but not so in the actual airports or on the airplanes.
It’s not too late to fix a broken or unnourished community.
Here are some tools:
Breaking bread in the virtual environment. In the virtual environment, you can create a warm shared greeting or opening conversation that allows people to share how they feel and how they are. Not everyone has to speak but enough will help set a tone of mutual interest and concern.
Ritual of initiation. Autoresponders can be endearing if written well. The welcome into the community should be more than a single phrase, but rather something that lets the individual joiner online know that they have come into something special and,
“we look forward to your contribution.”
Bring me a pie when a family member or someone is sick. Obviously, in the virtual environment, you cannot bring a literal pie although Amazon could. What is more important is the shared recognition that a member is ill and that there is concern beyond just the data point of how many attend the meeting.
Badges, Tee shirts, and fight songs will add to creating engagement.
Mutual recognition. “I see you and you see me.” Ultimately that is the key to a strong community.
If you build it with integrity, there’s no problem collecting the email and data.
Build your influence quotient without overspending!
Follow me and 24 writers in this new publication, Intelligence: Artificial vs Human published by Dancing Elephants Press.
Butterfly Cycles
By LC Lynch
Sometimes you don’t know you’re in a cocoon healing all of your past wounds Frozen in place to unravel your dreams so you can meet the unseen Working past what is holding you back slowly directing your path Breaking the cycles that keep you chained to stagnant spaces delayed Finding the perfect timing that you need to set you up to succeed Lifting your spirits colors reborn spreading your wings to transform
© LC Lynch 2024
Sometimes it takes time to discover a new path. When you are patient and willing to change you can break free from the past and become a better version of yourself. Cycles will continue to repeat until you start to do things differently. Transformation starts with a positive mindset and fully embracing who you want to become. You never know where you will end up when you allow fresh energy into your life.
Giving Back…
Adventures in being a “Big Brother”
by Gary Friedman
For over 100 years, there has been a “Big Brother / Big Sister” organization in the US, which pairs volunteers with at-risk kids in single-parent homes to provide a caring adult role model. For over 20 years, starting in college and continuing well into my working life, I was just such a “Big Brother” to two fatherless boys.
He was a huge basketball fan, and I had a ton of frequent flyer miles. So one weekend we flew to Detroit, saw a Pistons game, and flew back. There was a picture was taken with a point-and-shoot that only had a center focus point, so the players are in focus but not the subjects. It is the photographer’s curse that nobody else ever takes good pictures of you. I had a friend who was a pilot. He got the experience of taking control of the plane for a short time.
We spent a lot of time together over the years, times I relish because I’ve always wanted kids, and I truly believe there’s no better way to spend your spare time than helping others. We still keep in touch; he recently confided in me that those were the best years of his life.
There’s a Yiddish term called “Nachas”, which roughly translates to “The joy you get indirectly from your children’s successes. I felt that recently when he asked me to be the best man at his wedding!
A milestone for both of us. I was his best man! Quite an honor.
Have questions or need clarifications? Do not hesitate to get in touch with us via email at: dancingelephantspress@gmail.com or via a private note, or a comment on this post.
The editors for this magazine edition were Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi, DR Rawson, and Libby Shively McAvoy.
 | A guest post by
|
Libby Shively McAvoy, I don't worry about the small minor stuff, I guess because I had bigger more dangerous stuff to worry about. I had to choose the most harmful battles.
By LC Lynch
As someone who loves butterflies, your image is bbbeeeaaauuutttiiifffuuulll.
Working past what is
holding you back
slowly directing
your path
Yep, I have. I guess I must fight what is holding me back.