How to Make Friends as Adults and Why Connection is so Important

Connection Is The Key | Coming of Age | Designer Friends | How to Make Friends As a Couple: Why it's beneficial | How Can We Balance Parenting Responsibilities with Socializing | Upcoming

Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi

DR Rawson

Libby Shively McAvoy

, and 3 others

Sep 07, 2024

Namibia Images Group of Friends — Group of Friends by Gary Friedman

Vol 2 Issue 3

Editorial

By DR Rawson - The Possibilist

Growing up, we all wanted to be selected to be on the team, we wanted our friends to like us, and we learned to please.

As you’ll find out in this issue, we’re not kids; we’re adults. So what does “Friendship” mean, and why are these “connections” so important and meaningful in our lives? Our goal is to teach Personal Empowerment. Understanding how to be a friend and what you want in a friend gives you strength. It’s the connections you make that add to who you are. Make good choices. Thanks for joining us once again.

Connection Is The Key

A typical escalator system carries people down into London’s subway (“The Tube”) by Gary Friedman

By Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi

The escalator above connects to an underground tube system that takes people from one place to another in a train. Many of these systems are available all over the world. It is an example of connection when we look at travel and getting from one place to another. There are many pathways to get where we want to go. There is a connection many times from one train to another or even to a bus or a car or a plane to reach our destination. Sometimes travel can be very complicated. There can be a delay or a cancellation because of an accident, weather conditions, or a breakdown of the train for example. In these cases, our connection is broken, delayed, or canceled altogether.

Connection and friendship are essential for our survival as human beings. One of the biggest problems in the world today is loneliness. It is to a point that it become a public health issue. Connections can be broken as we change in life, our preferences for friendship might change as well. It is important to have multiple outlets where we have connections and friendships of different levels. Some friendships are more casual while others run deeper in trust confidence and counting on each other.

Loneliness affects our physical, and mental health and societal health. The lack of connection to others can cause severe problems in life even early death as explained by the surgeon general report in 2023.

What can we do to create new friendships and maintain our old friendships?

Be there for each other. To me showing up is important. I would want a friend to check in occasionally and show up for me if I am struggling with something not just when everything is fun and games.
Trying new activities. Be open to trying something new. Sign up for a new activity in your area which could be anything from dancing, walking, painting, drawing, or exercising in the gym, mushroom hunting class, or a local volunteer group like the Red Cross or search and rescue for example.
Willingness to be vulnerable. Friendships can open us up to get hurt. yet the gain is more than the loss. Friends can come and go and while friendships last usually both parties benefit from each other’s company. The willingness to share and open up about ourselves while creating vulnerabilities also brings much joy to our lives.
Be open-minded about friendships. A friend can be anyone. They can be younger or older than us, the person can have a different ethnic, or cultural background or a different religion or spiritual belief. Friendships can cross cultures and geographic areas. Being open to any type of friendship will bring unique opportunities and friends into our lives.

I found unique and amazing friends through my writing. I never imagined that I would develop such strong bonds of caring and love for people I write with and it happened naturally and I love it. My life is full of love, joy, humor, laughter, and fun because of my amazing writing community including all the people I write within this magazine. I am grateful for my friends, they are my extended family.

References

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/05/03/new-surgeon-general-advisory-raises-alarm-about-devastating-impact-epidemic-loneliness-isolation-united-states.html

Coming of Age

By Gideon For-mukwai

This is a tale of three coming-of-age stories—Miss 17, Miss 18, and Miss 19. But surprise!

They’re not people; they’re three dusty settlements along the Bamenda to Mbengwi highway in Cameroon. Miss 17, aka “Mile 17,” is a rebellious teenager, full of energy and mystery. She’s perched on a plateau overlooking the River Abi, always up to something mischievous. Like any teenager, she’s a little too self-conscious and despises supervision.

Then there’s Miss 18, aka “Mile 18,” the no-nonsense middle child. She’s all business, all the time. Mile 18 is home to the divisional headquarters, central market, police barracks, and a slew of churches. She’s the geeky nerd who has no time for fun.

And finally, Miss 19, aka “Mile 19,” the wild child. She’s the party animal, with more bars and nightclubs than schools and churches. She’s the prodigal daughter who traded studying for partying.

Growing up in Mbengwi, I learned that it takes a village to raise a girl—or in this case, three.

Designer Friends

By DR Rawson - The Possibilist

Nope, wrong guess; we’re not talking about people who design clothes, houses, events, or anything like that.

We are discussing your ability to design the friend you need and want. What, wait, you can do that? Of course, you can. If you haven’t already, permit yourself to get what you want out of life.

Recently, I’ve been asking a lot of questions on Quora.com, an interesting site. Somehow, they slotted me to answer questions about friends and friendship. From the questions I’m getting, there are a lot of people who didn’t get a lot of training at home. But I digress.

I knew what I wanted in a wife. I designed exactly who we would be as a couple, what I wanted to do, and how I wanted to ensure she felt loved every waking day. That worked. I have thirty years of proof.

So, Design a Friend

My friends were all hand-picked by me. It wasn’t that we suddenly decided to be friends. No, I found them, researched them, talked with them, and then decided we should be friends. This means I’m all in. If my friend needs something, I’m there. If there’s someone I can help improve their life, save them money, or get them to the level they're seeking…I’m there.

Do I expect that from them? NO. I wanted them as a friend.

Today, I’m meeting with someone to help them out because I think what I know will benefit them. I’m doing this because I want them as friends, not because I expect payment or something in return. I want them to succeed.

My friends are important to me. When they call or want something, they get priority over everything except my health, my wife, and my immediate family, and that’s about it. I’ll never move my work around what they’re asking. Their needs, well-being, and happiness are important to me.

Many of them also picked me, but I absolutely picked them. There wasn’t anything accidental about it.

Please Remember

If you’re friends with someone because you think it’s a mutual friendship, it may not last. You have no right to expect that they are willing to put what you’re willing to give into the friendship. From a practical perspective, they probably will but never expect it.

Till next time…

How to Make Friends As a Couple with Busy Schedules & Why It Benefits Your Health

by: Libby Shively McAvoy

Envato Elements Purchased Image License 6GT8CXKA2F

Spending all your time as a couple or family unit is tempting, but is it truly beneficial? Research from the Mayo Clinic suggests that adults with social connections are healthier. Social connections can alleviate stress, enhance self-awareness, combat loneliness, and provide a sense of purpose. This accentuates the importance of nurturing our social lives. The real challenge, then, is cultivating friendships as adults and couples.

Making Friends as Adults Isn’t As Easy As It Was In School

As adults, we’re burdened with responsibilities, and as a couple, we’re already juggling work and personal time. So, how do we carve out space for friends, and more importantly, where do we find quality friends? Unlike children with built-in social networks through classes and extracurricular activities, we no longer have these outlets. It’s a challenge, and it’s okay to feel that way. Many of us prefer to refrain from socializing with colleagues at work for various reasons, thus limiting the pool of friends.

The average adult has one to four close friends. My mom always told me I would be extremely fortunate if I had a handful of good friends, and she was right. A good friend is someone who is there through thick and thin. The rest of the people you socialize with are acquaintances.

Priorities change as we age, and it is essential to have friends with similar interests, goals, and values. As a young mom, it wasn’t easy for me to find friends we could hang out with who parented similarly. Sometimes, we would invite friends over who we fully enjoyed, but their kids would destroy our home. That was a deal breaker in the friendship for me. We could see them out on limited occasions, but I no longer felt comfortable inviting them into our home.

As I have aged and gone through different stages of life, my kids are fully grown, I am now divorced, and I have experienced a big move; I was forced to make a new circle of friends, which turned out to be an incredible blessing. I moved into a condo where I have been able to meet friends by the pool, which is open year-round. Having my puppy and meeting other wonderful dog lovers have been great ways to make friends. I now have that handful of amazing friends.

Other Great Ways To Make Friends As Adults

Take group classes regularly
Join a Meet-Up group that interests you(games, hikes, competitive sports, dinner clubs, music groups…)
Book club
Country Clubs-play golf, tennis, pickleball, volunteer on a committee
Neighborhood game nights or social events

Remember, saying yes to invitations can lead to unexpected and delightful friendships. You never know when someone might turn out to be a better friend than you had imagined. So, keep an open mind and be ready to embrace new experiences.

In Conclusion

Making friends with responsibilities and work-life balance can be challenging, but it makes life more enjoyable. Help each other, as a couple, get out of the daily grind and make some new amazing friends. Being yourselves is critical. Try to avoid putting on a show to impress anyone or try to keep up with the Joneses. Just relax, and you will attract the people around you who will feel most comfortable. They will likely be your handful of true friends for life.

Being around like-minded people in happy, healthy relationships is inspiring and even therapeutic. No one likes bickering people, but when you are around couples who speak highly of one another and treat each other respectfully, it also carries into your own relationship.

How Can We Balance Parenting Responsibilities with Socializing

By: Gabriela Trofin-Tatár

Since becoming a mom, almost nine years ago, I realized that socializing became a completely different experience. During our parenting journey, both my husband and I lost what we thought were friends, and slowly gained a few new ones. While keeping friends is in itself challenging, making new friends while being parents of three kids can only happen if we set our mind to it. We realized that balancing parenting responsibilities with socializing was challenging. Still, social life is beneficial for our mental health and for our kids to interact with our tribe, so to speak.

I will tell you from our experience and you could implement some of the strategies below.

We first became aware that we needed new friends with kids, preferably those who lived in our area. We effectively sat down and decided on this design. Later we gradually became aware of some strategies we were using and which were successful. (You must have already read DR Rawson’s article about Designing your friends. :)

Set Clear Boundaries

During the week, it was challenging to meet friends, as we were juggling many chores and extracurriculars. While we could sometimes squeeze an hour of playground date here and there after school, it was always better to plan for the weekend. This helped ensure that we had dedicated and uninterrupted time separately with our children, but also together with friends and their kids.

Prioritize and Plan

We started using planners. Effective time management is crucial when scheduling both family activities and social meetings. We made sure we scheduled once a week time social time, preferably on Saturdays. What worked for us has been hiking, barbecuing, and visiting some interactive museums or zoos. The key here was to be able to talk with our friends, while our kids were playing together.

Share Responsibilities

We also realized that we needed to go out more separately, not always together as a couple with the same people. In that case, we needed to learn how to share parenting duties to free up time for socializing. So while one of us was going out to a movie or having coffee with a former classmate, the other parent would take care of the kids.

Utilize Support Networks

We got more involved in our church community, as their values matched ours. If you search, you might find local parenting groups or online communities to connect with other parents. These networks can provide emotional support, practical advice, and opportunities for socializing. You can also meet new friends who understand the challenges of parenting.

Embrace Flexibility

The key is to be flexible and adapt to various types of social outings. You might need to take your kids in tow to maintain connections without sacrificing parenting responsibilities. Or, you might need to reschedule.

Make Time for Yourself

Meeting other people can also become exhausting, so prioritizing self-care and learning to say no to social events are crucial. Allocate time for activities that recharge you, whether it’s exercising, reading, or simply relaxing. A well-rested parent is better equipped to handle both parenting and social obligations.

Accept Imperfection

As a parent, my biggest lesson was to be flexible and to accept imperfections. There will be days when parenting is the priority, and that’s okay. What is most important is to focus on the quality of the time spent with both your children and friends.

It might sound cliche but if you try to accommodate both your parenting responsibilities and your social needs, this will enhance your overall well-being. And indeed, it works, just take it slowly and rediscover yourself in the process.

Thank you for taking the time to read our insights! We’d love to hear from you—what strategies have you found effective for balancing your social life as a parent?

Share your experiences and tips with us!