Empowerment Tips For Women: How To Take Charge of Your Life
Start a Dream Book | You Have What | How to Be Empowered by Facing Fears | Empowerment Tips for Mothers |
The Hearts for Hue Microfinance program helps small businesses purchase inventory and invest in improvements. HfH tends to make loans mostly to women, who they say have a harder time getting conventional jobs. This business makes hats.
Vol 2 Issue 4
Editorial
By DR Rawson - The Possibilist
You want to go from here to there. Where’s there? Some place that’s not here, physically or mentally. But how? In this issue, we’ll give you lots of ideas, insight, and some good old-fashioned food for thought.
Be sure to look for my take on the empowerment of women from a man, this man’s perspective.
Thanks for joining us for another weekly edition of Dancing Elephant Press.
Stay with us…
Start A Dream Book
By Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi
We all have a right to dream. One needs to dream to move toward reality. No matter how impossible it seems. Create a book just for personal use. Dream. Write down or cut out pictures of visions, dream places, dream jobs, and dream houses. Nothing is too small nor too big to dream. Be as specific as one can be.
This is the first step, start dreaming and imagining what is possible. Next, take out the journal and remind yourself of the dreams. Dreams can change and that is ok, keep updating your dreams. Next, think of one thing that can be done to make those dreams come through. It is moving toward the general direction of a dream is what makes it possible.
One of my dreams was to write a book. To write a book I needed time. I happened to have time when I finished my university studies and got my PhD. I was applying for jobs and in the meantime to my family’s encouragement I continued working on the book. Each interview I set up led to another one. Each story started to form the book. Each recording made it into the page and the pages grew and a book was formed.
Anything can be done once we set our minds to it. There is no limit to dreaming, follow our hearts and step by step move toward our goals. I wrote a book, then another one, then another one, and many more. Now, I am a writer, author, a publisher and I own this publication. No dream is too big.
Now, I have more dreams and each book, each writing, each poem, and each conversation moves me toward my next dream. What is your dream?
You Have What?
By DR Rawson - The Possibilist
My wife of thirty years, on the 1st of October, explained what intuition is in the first couple of weeks we were together. The difference between my wife and perhaps others is that she knew it could, often, keep her from harm’s way. I had never seen that before.
I had seen, “Oh, I could have told you that.” Or the one that used to get me going, “I knew the minute you made that decision that it was wrong.”
The woman who was about to be my wife explained how “her” intuition worked. She treated me like a sixth grader (probably so she could ensure I understood). Oh, I understood, I thought to myself; beautiful, intelligent, and intuitive; I’m surprised there’s no “S” or “SW” on her chest. Turns out, many women and even some men have this extra sense called “INTUITION.”
A Real Life Superpower
Have you ever heard that behind every great person is a great partner? Probably not, because I mixed it up, so you understand the possibility.
I have always known that if two people are discussing something a “third mind” will occasionally show up and offer an even better idea. But, when you add the power of intuition, it gets even better.
An Admission of Guilt
I may be the first to admit that men like to think they can rely on their own thoughts and maybe intuition to solve a problem or create a solution. I learned I can not. When you run so many different businesses over the years, you realize that there are actually people more intelligent than you and that their opinions should be taken into consideration. You don’t consider it at your peril.
My Story
I heightened my awareness. Every decision of consequence now required an extra layer of thought. In my head, it was as simple as: Should I also ask my wife? At first, my ego said, “Oh, so now you have to ask your wife before making a decision. I thought, well, you’re not much of a leader now.
The reality is that when you’re wife is right 9 out of 10 or 10 out of 10 times, only a fool would ignore this superpower. My life changed for the better.
Integration
While building my largest company, she was an enormous help. I would not hire any company officer without going to dinner with their partner and my wife. Afterward, if she felt they were a no-go. They weren’t hired. I also instituted a policy of intuition. I emphasized this with women employees; men usually said, “What?”
My Policy: In addition to the usual ways of getting yourself fired or released from your contract, you can also be let go if you fail to use your intuition. The proof will be when you say, “I could have told you they wouldn’t work out.” Or, “I could have told you that was a bad idea.” If your intuition is telling you something’s wrong, you need to tell me immediately. My wife does. I expect it from you as well.
That policy and my wife’s intuition took us from a start-up to north of $1B in twenty months.
Here’s The Bottom Line
I’m a believer.
Till next time…
Divorce Doesn’t Have to Be Devastating; How to Be Empowered by Facing Fears
By Libby Shively McAvoy
As a relationship expert, I was perplexed when given this week’s topic. I first thought women’s empowerment was the opposite of a healthy relationship. I love a good challenge; accomplishing challenges is also empowering. And women’s empowerment is essential.
Laying in bed a few nights after being given my assignment, I woke up completely inspired. Isn’t it strange what thoughts come to us in the middle of the night? I am going to share the most empowering story I know: the courage that it took me to ask for a divorce after twenty-one years and live on my own.
The Background Story
I was raised by the most loving and caring parents, who set a fantastic example regarding a perfect marriage. Like most parents, they were not perfect. They taught me to go to college to meet the proper man to marry so that he could support me. Ugh. Talk about a lack of empowerment.
I did what was expected from me. I went to school, met a nice man, and soon after got married without completing my degree.
My Two Biggest Mistakes
Besides not finishing college, I made two horrible mistakes.
I never lived independently. I went from my parents supporting me to being married, where my then-husband supported me. I did work for several years before we chose to have children, at which time I was fortunate to be a stay-at-home mom and raise my two kids.
I did what everyone told me to or what I thought they expected of me. I had low self-esteem and did not know who I was. I was an absolute people pleaser.
When I showed up in my life, I was in my mid-thirties and had run a full marathon (very empowering). I also took my yoga teacher training, which involved a lot of self-study and building confidence.
I was gaining independence but within the walls of our marriage. Then, in 2009, my now ex physically assaulted me at the most brutal level. I went to court and took appropriate steps to protect my children and me. Long story short, like many abused women, I let him return home after six months of anger management classes. I wanted to try to save the marriage.
Over the next ten years, the trust was too far broken. We lacked an emotional connection, and I began to feel lonely despite him being around. I finally took the plunge and asked him to move out. It took me three more years to serve him the divorce papers, but we got through the process amicably.
Conscious Uncoupling With Grace
He was a great dad, and we parented well together. I asked to keep the house, as the children were still school-aged. We agreed on all of the terms and were able to dissolve the marriage with just my lawyer.
I realized it wasn’t raising the kids in a split home or financial stability that had kept me stuck in an unhappy marriage for ten years. It was the fear of living on my own. But you know, I am so proud of myself. I got my coaching certifications and started writing more to be sure I could support myself. I learned who to call for home tasks I could not do, like cleaning my gutters. And I had wonderful friends who stepped in when I needed them.
Conscious uncoupling means realizing that this person will always be in your life. You will have weddings, funerals, and grandchildren. But keep your emotions out and act as business partners, with family being the business. Continue to respect your ex, and it will go much smoother. We even spent a few holidays together with our kids following the divorce to help with the transition.
Final Thoughts
Overcoming fear, leaving unhappy situations, and supporting myself without being dependent are all empowering.
I did have to step into my masculine energy for a little bit. I bought my condo in my dream location last August. Since then, I have felt so much stability; I am finally back in my feminine energy, nurturing and caring, rather than a tough exterior that wouldn’t accept help. Men are ultimately attracted to empowered women, particularly when they are in their feminine energy.
I hear so often that women feel stuck in dead-end marriages. If you can relate, ask yourself what you are afraid of. Then conquer that fear.
I have been divorced for six years. I am living proof that if you are in an unhappy marriage and have done everything to repair it, then it is okay to ask for a divorce. Divorce is not a failed marriage but a realization that the person you are with is dimming the light of your soul and killing you with a thousand papercuts. You are not failing but stepping into a new, improved version of yourself.
Empowerment Tips For Mothers
By: Gabriela Trofin-Tatár
Being a mother of three young kids under 9 years old, I know firsthand how challenging and rewarding this role can be. My partner and I manage the household together, with minimal help from our grandparents. It's been a journey of self-discovery and healing. I was also in therapy for 2.5 years to work through some intergenerational traumas. While my social life has been limited, I've started going out more, especially in the last two years.
As mothers, it's easy to put our needs last most of the time while focusing on our families. When have you last become aware of the importance of self-care and happiness? For me, this happened during my postpartum depression stage with my middle baby.
I will share with you my empowerment tips, together with bits of personal stories that have helped me reclaim my time and energy. This was not an easy journey; I had a lot of help from my partner and my therapist.
Prioritize Self-Care
Repeat this loudly to yourself a few times:
Self-care is not a luxury; it's a necessity.
I remember many times when I was consumed with my children's schedules. I was not making my needs a priority. I had grown up with the mentality that mothers are heros and are constantly meant to sacrifice themselves first for the children and the family, and then they could maybe take care of themselves. The last part was hard to reach; it almost never came. By the time I was done with housework and kids’ schedules, I was too exhausted to give myself some moments of personal time.
I have come a long way since then.
In therapy, I learned a simple hack, which might even sound cliché. I started to wake up 30 minutes earlier each day to enjoy a quiet cup of coffee and read a few pages of my favorite book. I couldn’t do it every day and decided not to feel guilty about it either. I became aware of the importance of carving some time for myself. This small change made a world of difference. During those peaceful moments, I could recharge and approach my day with more positive energy. I was also more present and patient with my kids. At the same time, if I hadn’t slept enough, I couldn’t wake up earlier, so the focus started being more on better quality sleep. Only after could I feel more patient and energetic to wake up earlier.
Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries had never been my forte. I have been a people pleaser my whole life, and I used to say yes to every invitation and request for help or extra tasks at work. That made me feel constantly overwhelmed and drained. It took me a long time, through various exercises and discussions in therapy, to realize that comparing myself and proving myself to others all the time was rather a symptom of my lack of time allocated to myself. I was not empowered in any way because I was waiting for others to approve of me all the time.
Gradually, I had a few conversations with my friends and family, telling them that I needed to prioritize my time more effectively. I started saying no to activities that didn't serve me, like late-night outings or extra volunteer commitments at school. This shift freed up my schedule and allowed me to focus on spending quality time with my family and starting my freelancing activities.
Pursue Your Passions
As a people pleaser, I had gradually forgotten I had my own dreams and passions. Remember I had become a mother, and I was stuck in being the hero every day, waiting for others to ask things of me and waiting for their approval and praise afterward. Has this happened to you?
Since becoming a mother, almost 9 years ago, I had shelved my love for writing and drawing, thinking it was something I could only do when kids got bigger, and eventually left the nest, or even more realistically, after retiring. Thinking of myself back then makes me cry now.
Just before the pandemic, I started gym and took some classes in sewing. It was all new, and I had uncovered a self I had missed terribly. Being finally in charge of my discovery process was intimidating to start with. I remembered that I used to love listening to music and singing, so I did that with my kids and had more quality time together. I started writing some book reviews, which led me to become part of a community of book reviewers. I was receiving free advanced copies to review before they were published.
Gradually I became empowered, and I had projects going on for myself beyond the house chores and raising my littles. My children noticed the change in my mood and even began to join me in drawing or reading kids' books together. I wasn’t planning to go back to work yet, as in Hungary mothers can stay home with their babies for the first 3 years. I consider myself lucky to be able to watch my littles grow and develop and teach them about the world. However, I wanted to start some freelancing online, as it had always been my dream. That’s when I was encouraged to start writing again, and it opened up a whole new world of opportunities for my creative self.
Last but not least, as I started refreshing my French language skills, my kids and husband were also inspired, and they started exploring foreign languages on Duolingo. My husband is currently learning Italian, my eldest kid is studying Portuguese and our middle child likes to study English (it is not our first language).
Connect With Inspiring People and Other Mothers
What was the most empowering for me was becoming part of a community of writers and starting to earn money for my writing. Through this community, I met the amazing team of writers and editors from Dancing Elephants Press and started taking part in new writing projects.
In parallel, in real life, I have been building a support network of friends I meet face to face. Motherhood and parenting during pandemics felt isolated; I was overwhelmed by the demands of being a full-time parent and home-school educator in the year when the kindergarten was closed because covid. Slowly, as the kids grew a bit more, I made some new friends among parents from kindergarten. We started going out for a coffee or to a movie. Sharing stories, challenges, and fun stuff with other moms helped me feel understood and supported.
From time to time we meet at our place or their place. We cook, and while the kids are playing, we share our struggles and wins. This makes me feel connected and like a human being again. Funny, right?
Seeing these tips now in writing empowers me even more. I am proud that I've been able to take charge of my life, even if it’s been a long process and still going on. Don’t imagine I have a ton of friends and that my social calendar is full :)
I take each opportunity as it comes, and I focus more on what I want to achieve personally as a woman because I am more than a mother. I focus on being a strong, empowered mother because this also benefits my whole family.
I feel you, and I support you on your journey towards empowerment! Thank you for reading this piece, and I hope you will take the steps needed to prioritize yourself and your happiness.
How do you like these empowerment tips? Do you think you could also implement them?
Gabriella: Speak up for what you need and want from others, nobody can read your mind. Ask and you shall receive.
Libby: Find the courage to face your fears and you will find contentment and joy.
DR: Understand the power you have. It will take you as far as you want to go.
Gabby: Focus on being a stronger and empowered mother because this also benefits your whole family.
Thank you for reading,
Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi, Founder
The idea is to teach you to fish, not give you one. You get that, right?
P.S.
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My husband used his I intuition and it saves his life many times.
Awareness is a powerful life saving tool.